Talbot On Ice
by Nocturne in C Moll
Summary: Sequel to On Ice. Talbot gets a surprise visit from his new buddies in order to make sure he gets the real facts on vampires.


Beta: Much thanks and appreciation goes to Barb, a.k.a. **Bank1115**, who made several nice catches of boo-boos I made.

Disclaimer: Is one really necessary, seeing as this is posted in a fan fiction forum?

**Talbot On Ice**

ADA Benjamin Talbot couldn't get comfortable. Normally the cushy leather sofa was a slice of pure heaven after a hard day's work, but not tonight. He'd tried sitting, lying, reclining, even the fetal position—but nothing worked. He just could not get comfortable. Ben attributed it to the events of the night before—namely, being kidnapped and finding out that vampires existed. Finally, he went over to the hutch, took out a bottle of red wine, and poured himself a large glass. The glass was halfway to his lips when there was a loud knock at his door. He put the glass down on the coffee table on his way to see who it was.

He was surprised to see Beth through the peephole. Quickly, he unlocked the deadbolt, removed the security chain, and yanked open the door.

"Beth! Are you all…" Ben trailed off when he noticed the man now standing beside her. "St. John?!" he gasped.

Mick nodded. "Talbot."

"But I-I thought you were—"

"—Permanently comatose? Yeah…turns out, it wasn't so permanent." He smiled.

"Well…that's…that's…great?" Ben stuttered.

"Yeah, thanks. Can we come in?"

"Uh, sure," Ben replied shakily and stepped aside, "I was just having a quiet evening on the couch." He led the way to the living room. "Uh, sit anywhere you want. Can I offer you anything to—gaaaahhh!" Ben jumped and almost fell back into Mick.

There, kicking back on his sofa and sipping his glass of wine, was Josef Kostan.

"You know, Talbot, you really shouldn't leave your balcony door open. Anyone could just walk in here, and—"

"I'm on the _fifth floor_!!!" Ben yelled.

Josef looked at him, aghast. "There's no need to shout, Talbot, I'm sitting right here."

"_I know!_"Ben exclaimed. "You're on _my_ couch!"

"Yes, thank you for stating the obvious: I am sitting on your couch. By the way, it's quite comfortable." Josef bounced up and down slightly on the cushion, then settled back. "Nice of you to have a drink waiting for me, too." He swirled the wine around in the glass and took another large sip.

Ben just stared at him, open-mouthed. Mick and Beth sat down beside each other on the loveseat and hid smiles. After a moment Ben rubbed his hand over his eyes and slumped into a chair. "So I guess that thing about vampires having to be invited in is just a myth, huh?" he sighed, resigned to his third guest.

"Oh, indubitably."

Ben rolled his eyes and threw up a hand. "Figures."

Josef quirked an eyebrow. "Doing some research, were you?"

"Yeah," Ben admitted uneasily.

"Excellent!" Josef clapped his hands together. "Now we can completely debunk everything you read. Wanna see me change into a bat?"

Ben looked at him, wide-eyed. "You can—wait…I thought you were going to debunk everything I read. I read that…so…doesn't that mean…?"

"Okay, I lied—we can't debunk _everything_ you read. You also read that vampires drink blood, right?"

"Well, yeah—but I thought that was a given."

Josef shrugged. "So is our ability to change into nocturnal flying rodents."

"Really!" Ben exclaimed.

"Oh yes—watch." Josef screwed up his face in intense concentration. "Gurrrrrrrrr…eaaaaaghhhhhh…" Suddenly he sobered. "Oh…I forgot. That one has always been just wishful thinking on my part." He hung his head. Ben looked a little disappointed, too, until Josef brightened. "We _can_ fly, though."

"—Really?!"

"Mm-hmm," Mick jumped in. "Just like Superman."

Beth snorted, rolling her eyes. "Ugh. Don't listen to them, Ben—they're just pulling your leg."

Ben glared at his two non-human visitors. "I don't appreciate being made a fool of."

"Would you appreciate being made a meal of?" the elder inquired.

Ben froze.

"Yeah…didn't think so," Josef pronounced.

"Look, Kostan—I'm tired, didn't sleep last night, had a long day at work—can we just stick to the facts right now, please?" Ben rubbed his forehead.

"Right, sorry—forgot. Mick and I only got up a couple hours ago."

"So, you really are creatures of the night, then," Ben observed.

"Generally speaking, yes," Josef confirmed. "We can be up during the day, but since that's usually when the sun is out…" he grimaced.

"What happens to you in the sun?"

"Well, have you ever heard of spontaneous combustion?"

Ben nodded.

"Yeah, it's nothing like that."

Seeing the exasperated look on Ben's face, Josef hastened to continue. "The longer we're in the sun, the worse we feel. And if we don't get blood in a timely manner…it's bye-bye, vampire. Mick can tell you."

Mick nodded and explained, "I got stuck walking around in the desert for a while a couple months ago. Almost died." He turned to gaze affectionately at Beth.

Ben looked between the two of them. "So what happened?"

"I happened," Beth said. "I showed up just in time and made him drink some of my blood."

"Lucky the ice machine at that old motel was still working, or I wouldn't have lasted long enough for Beth to get there."

"Ice?" Ben asked, confused.

"I guess now would be a good time to talk about freezers," Josef cut in.

"Freezers?"

"Where we keep our teddy bears and blankies, amongst the frozen peas and corn."

Ben looked at him blankly.

"We sleep in freezers. Not coffins. Slows the decay," Mick clarified for him.

"But what did vampires do before freezers?" Ben scrunched his nose.

Josef shrugged. "Move to Canada."

"Oh," Ben blinked.

"Marvellous snow cones after the hockey games there." Josef licked his lips in remembrance. "—Anyway, I did live in Canada for a little while, among other places; any colder climate sufficed. Eastern Europe was my home for my first couple centuries. Slept in cellars, icehouses, snowbanks, caves, that kind of thing. I was ecstatic when freezers came out—we sleep in the nude, you know? No more waking up covered in mud and dirt with insects in awkward places. Good times."

"Huh…" Ben nodded slowly.

"Too much information?" Josef smirked.

"A little…"

"I aim to please," Josef stretched back, resting his hands behind his head and his plopping his feet one by one on the coffee table.

Mick cleared his throat. "Talbot, perhaps this would be a good time for you to ask what you actually _do_ want to know."

"Yeah…okay…um, what are the advantages you guys have over humans?"

Mick held up a hand to stop Josef from talking. "Why don't you let me handle this one, buddy? Just for brevity's sake." He leaned forward to address Talbot, "We have superior speed, strength, vision, hearing, and sense of smell. We heal very quickly, though the more severe the injury the more blood we need to drink to fix ourselves. It's very difficult to kill us—one reason we live so long, the other being we don't physically age. As long as we keep getting blood, we keep on going and going."

"—kind of like the Energizer bunny on steroids," Josef tacked on, "without the annoying drum and all the pink. And the whole fluffy bunny thing, of course." He smirked suddenly. "Although, if you believe everything you read on the Internet, particularly on some vampire fiction sites, we sure copulate like—"

"Josef!" Mick burst out.

Ben ignored the elder vampire's self-satisfied smirk and addressed Mick, "—And the disadvantages?"

Josef immediately sat forward. "I think _I'll_ field this one, Micky boy. We may have all night, but the young'uns don't." He tapped a finger against his chin, "Let's see…disadvantages…disadvantages…um, nope—can't think of any."

Mick raised his brow. "Sunlight, silver, stakes, fire, can't eat food, can't have children…"

"Well, humans don't handle stakes or fire too well either, so I'd hardly call that a disadvantage we have to them. Let's ask Blondie what happens when you stake a human." He zeroed his gaze in on Beth, who coughed nervously and looked away.

"I _meant_," Mick cut in, "those are disadvantages to being a vampire. Sunlight weakens us, silver poisons us, stakes in the heart paralyze us, and fire turns us to ashes. Oh, and decapitation, well, that's _the_ surefire way to make sure a vampire is dead."

"Yes, Mick, that's great. Let's make _damn_ sure they know how to kill us," Josef growled, slapping his knee for emphasis.

Mick rolled his eyes. "ALSO," he began loudly, "when vampires get very old, they tend to get really paranoid."

"Hey. I didn't survive for over four centuries by coddling every human in sight—you're not even ninety, Mick. You've never experienced the fun to be had at the wrong end of a torch-bearing mob."

Mick shrugged in acquiescence, but Beth scrunched up her face. "…Couldn't you just have outrun them?" she wondered.

Josef looked over at Ben and jerked a thumb in Beth's direction. "—Who invited this chick?"

Beth just grinned. Josef glared at her, "Of course I could outrun them! And did! That's not the point.

"_An-y-way_," he went on, "as I was _saying_…wait…what was I saying?"

"Uh, you were asking if Talbot had any more questions," Mick casually put his arm around Beth.

"That doesn't sound like me," Josef declared. "But what the heck—for the sake of trying something new…" He turned to Ben. "Benjamin, do you have any more questions, son?"

"A couple. How many vampires are there?"

"There's a few hundred here in L.A., and more worldwide of course," Mick replied.

"So of all the millions of people here in L.A., only a few hundred are vampires, and I happen to know two of them?"

"At least," Josef confirmed.

"Fantastic, that's just…fantastic." Ben frowned suddenly. "How would I tell if someone is a vampire?"

"Well," Josef began, "there's one surefire way to tell if someone is a vampire. First, you look very closely at their face..."—he watched as Ben leaned forward to examine him closer—"and then, if they go like this"—his eyes whitened and his fangs dropped with a loud hiss—"they're a vampire!"

Ben, whose heart was still recovering from Josef's abrupt transformation, only got out an, "Oh…kay…"

"Note that if someone _doesn't_ do that, it doesn't mean they're NOT a vampire," Josef added. "It just means they're masking it, like normal."

"That's…comforting…" Ben managed.

"Josef, do you think you've tormented poor Ben enough for one night?" Beth inquired.

"Beth, Beth, Beth…haven't you ever played with your food?" Josef shook his head.

Ben made a strangling sound in his throat.

"—_Especially_ if you're not planning on eating it?" Josef looked over at Ben. "Oh, _relax_, Talbot—you're broccoli."

"Josef prefers his freshies, Talbot—as long as you don't cross him, you'll be fine," Mick assured him.

"—Freshies?"

"Human females—_willing_ human females, might I add—who are very well compensated for 'donating' their blood to me on a regular basis," Josef finished with a wolfish grin.

"What every mother hopes for her daughter when she grows up…" Beth stated wryly.

Josef whispered conspiratorially to Ben, "She's just jealous because Mick drinks from a bag instead of her."

Ben nodded dumbly. Mick scowled at Josef, but said nothing.

Josef put on a serious face. "So, Talbot, now that you are one of the best-informed humans I know in regard to vampires, we need to talk about your responsibilities. If you fail to live up to these responsibilities, you will face certain death."

"Are these responsibilities going to conflict with my responsibilities to the DA's office and the public?"

"Sometimes," Josef answered honestly. He stood up and started pacing the room. "The community—the vampire one, I should specify—needs to be kept secret at all costs. By protecting us, you are actually protecting your fellow humans. Can you imagine if word got out to the general public? Mass panic and paranoia!"

Ben raised his brows in agreement. "Yeah, I can imagine…"

"Talbot, I should point out that the vast majority of humans have no clue that vampires actually exist, just as you didn't two days ago. This should indicate to you how discreet we really are. We don't need to kill to survive, therefore we generally don't unless necessary."

Ben nodded.

"Sometimes accidents happen. Sometimes there will be collateral damage. We police ourselves as best we can, cover things up. When possible, we attempt to give closure to families of inadvertent or intentional victims—partly an act of self-preservation, I admit. The less suspicious things seem, the better.

"Now…can you live with this?" Josef turned on his heel and looked hard at Ben.

"Yeah…Yeah, I think so," Ben responded. He flashed a weak smile, "Can't live without it, either, can I?"

"Smart boy," Josef smirked. "We'll be in regular contact," he continued, "and that works both ways. Feel free to contact one of us if you require any assistance with anything—we take care of our friends."

"Can't let the food go rotten, right?"

Josef burst out laughing. He turned to Mick and Beth. "You know, I'm really starting to like this guy."

Mick smiled and stood along with Beth. "Well, we should probably let Ben get back to his quiet evening…"

Josef agreed and held out his hand to Ben. "It's been fun, Talbie. We should do this again sometime. Go out for drinks or something."

Ben stiffened mid-handshake. "Uhmmm…"

Josef leaned in to whisper, "We can drink alcohol."

"Oh." Ben relaxed.

The vampires and Beth started to head for the door. Mick slapped Ben's shoulder on his way by. "Thanks, Talbot."

"Sure. Not going out the way you came, Kostan?"

"And risk landing in something nasty?" Josef wrinkled his nose. "Nah, I only came up that way for the element of surprise. Jumping off balconies loses its novelty after the first hundred years or so."

"Right…"

"Good night, Ben," Beth smiled as she went through the doorway.

And then his guests were finally gone. Talbot shut the door and returned to the living room, staring at the couch, where only a minute before a vampire had been sitting, and another on the loveseat.

He sighed. "I think I need a new couch."


End file.
